A Chat about Gray Hair with my Twin Sister
THE FARMHOUSE
My twin sister, Terry, came up for a visit and I thought it would be fun to talk gray hair with her. She and I both found our first gray hairs way earlier than most people (in our early teens!) and have spent decades covering them. I opted to stop dyeing my hair two years ago (more on that here and here) but my sister still tints hers to the deep brown of our youth. So today I’m sharing photos of my 100% dye-free hair (!!!) next to my sister’s dyed brunette hair, and sharing how the process is going for each of us.
Terry (on the left) and Cathy in the Farmhouse garden // sources: Terry’s shirt, Terry’s sandals, Cathy’s sandals, shorts (similar)
Terry is 4 minutes older than me and unequivocally my big sis. It’s funny that a pair so close in age born by emergency c-section (so it was really luck of the draw who came out first) has an older sister and a baby sister, but we certainly do. And like many twins, Terry and I are really similar. We like to eat the same things. Read the same things. We have similar tastes, instincts, and hobbies. Our wardrobes are filled with similar clothes and our babies were all born wayyyy after their due date and were similarly sized. Even our PRs (personal records) for the 1500m on our respective college track teams are the exact same to the hundredth of a second and we ran those times in separate races in separate states.
We also both started going gray in our early teens. There were years of hair dye for both of us but two years ago, I opted to stop coloring mine. To embrace the gray and stop pushing that rock up the hill. But Terry hasn’t made that choice and says she likely never will. I gettttt it! Goodness do I ever. The only thing harder than dyeing your hair every month is growing that dye out. And being a gray-haired 30-something woman is not for everyone, especially in our youth-obsessed society.
Since so many of you have been interested in my gray hair journey, I thought it would be interesting to interview Terry about the topic and then answer the same questions myself. That interview is below and I offer it to you as food for thought. I hope it goes without saying that this is a judgement free zone. We support each other’s decisions and I hope other women will support each other’s graying/dyeing decisions too.
when do you first remember going gray?
Terry: I remember pulling out my first gray hair in 8th grade. 8th grade!
Cathy: My first memory of finding a gray hair was in our high school auditorium as a freshman. I must have been about 14.
When did you start dyeing it?
Terry: I started routinely dyeing it in my early 20s.
Cathy: There were occasional highlights in college, but I started dyeing my hair monthly in my early 20s.
What’s your dye routine like?
Terry: I dye my hair every 3 to 4 weeks. At the start of the pandemic, I started using esalon, a mail order custom dye company. I do the auto ship so it arrives every month in the mail and then I dye it at home in my bathroom. The process takes about an hour and a half including a blow dry and costs about $25 a month.
Dyeing at home has been a nice change of pace during the pandemic. Scheduling salon visits was a real headache in our busy ‘pre-pandemic’ life. I often had appointments at 7 o’clock at night after my kids went to bed and I’d be there for hours, usually past my own bedtime. I do miss being taken care of at the salon (as a mom that just doesn’t happen very often), but dying at home works well right now. I’m not sure if I’ll continue dyeing my own hair or go back to a salon after the pandemic, but either way I’ll continue dyeing.
Cathy: I used to go to a salon for a hair dye every month but stopped about two years ago when I decided to grow out my grays. I tried adding highlights and doing bleach washes early on during the grow-out phase but eventually decided to just let it be, cut my hair short, and wear a lot of hats. And I’m happy to say that Garrett cut the last bits of dye from my hair this summer (I’m totally sporting a DIY pandemic haircut 😜). I’m excited to finally be 100% dye free!
How do you style your hair?
Terry: I wash my hair a couple times a week with color-friendly products. I usually dry it or let it air dry in the summer. I prefer blow drying because I can get an extra day or two out of not washing it.
Cathy: I wash my hair a couple times a week too and usually apply some of this curl-enhancing mouse (I’ve been using the same product since college), and then let it air dry. I used to use purple shampoo when I had dye in my hair but haven’t found myself needing it now. I also used to dry my hair a lot, but it was getting so unhealthy with the dye (especially with the bleach washes) so I gave that up for the most part and I haven’t gotten back in the habit. My hair is wavy and always ends up a little unkempt now, but I’m digging it during the summer.
What do you like about your hair?
Terry: I like my color. I’ve always been a brunette and it feels like me. Every time I try to lighten it with highlights I just don’t like it.
Cathy: I like how soft and healthy my hair is now that the dye is gone. I like the freedom of not having to get into the salon every 3 to 4 weeks. I like that hair dye and grow-out is no longer something I consider when we planning trips, photos, or special events. And I like that my hair is unique. When I started on this journey I don’t think I actually liked gray hair, but I’ve grown to really love it and find it beautiful on women.
What do you like about your sister’s hair?
Terry: The tone on your gray hair is really lovely. It’s flattering. Our hair tends to pick up really warm tones when we dye it and I like the cool undertones of your natural color.
Cathy: Thank you. I think your brown hair looks youthful and easy and makes your blue eyes pop!
There was one question I didn’t even have to ask Terry - what she dislikes about me going gray - because I know we have the exact same answer. We no longer look as much like twins. Growing up we were always mistaken for eachother (even by our dad) and that doesn’t happen anymore. Being a twin is really REALLY special and we both miss that aspect of it.
*****
What about you? Do you have gray hairs yet? Do you plan to dye them or leave them be?
